We are all still alive. Just tired. Well, mostly I'm tired. Scientists are still trying to figure out exactly how the Screaming Teenies synthesize their energy. Maybe they are solar powered? Or perhaps they have a way to harness the mysterious power of giggles?

My friend is working on her photography business so it was a great excuse to take some wonderfully adorable pictures. Enjoy!

http://tishmackay.zenfolio.com/p134576860

If you are local, please book her and get some cute pictures of your babies too!

One more thing...Antony & Cleopatra opens next week! Go to www.shakescar.org for info and tickets.

Because I simply do not have enough to do in my life (I know, I'm laughing, too!) I continue to do theater. Is it hard to do with two children. Unquestionably. Could I use the time to do other important things, like clean my house and sleep. Certainly. Is it worth doing despite these things? Absolutely!

I've been in rehearsals for the Bard's Antony and Cleopatra produced by Shakespeare Carolina. I am taking on the role of the magnificent Cleopatra. This is a play that isn't done as often as the others (the level of pageantry scares companies off, I think, not to mention the numerous location changes between Rome to Egypt) but I believe it has some of the most beautiful and moving words that Shakespeare ever put to paper. I consider this one of the most challenging and fulfilling roles I've ever done.

The cast is beyond amazing. We have actors with all levels of experience on this production, from professionals to academics to returning from over decade hiatus to never set foot on a stage. And it just works! It isn't quite like a machine because we don;t move in forced rigid formation. We subtlety work off of each other every rehearsal in a lovely dance of words, motion, and feelings. And lots and lots of laughter.

Yes, I get mother's guilt that I am not tucking my kids in bed every night or that I need to hire a babysitter to cover those few hours when Tadd has a gig and I have rehearsal. At the same time, it feels good to have a break once in a while and to work with adults. I know after coming home from rehearsal, I feel a little more able to deal with what comes my way.

If anyone is interested, tickets for the show are now available online.  http://www.carolinatix.org/default.asp?tix=59&objId=1385

The past two days were better...not the greatest, but better. I've tried some new stuff to deal with the tantrums. It all started when I found out that our daycare started putting on little guy on the potty! GASP!! I couldn't believe it. I wasn't expecting it at all. It isn't a set schedule or a big deal, but they try to get the older kids in the class used to the potty before they move to the two-year-old class.

This was an eye-opener for me because I realized my dear sweet baby boy will be a two-year-old in a mere four months!! Where did the time go? Better yet, WHERE DID MY BABY GO??!! Then, it hit me that our one year famiversary will be in three months!! (Two if you count it as the day we became parents legally.) I cannot believe it. They were just little itty bitty babies and now they are toddlers...practically big kids!!! 

For the record, the idea of potty training children has been an irrational fear of mine for a while. Everything I read sounded confusing. And all these people that are selling programs on how to potty train. Which just made me anxious. I mean, am I going to have to hire a professional for this? For something me, my spouse, and all our friends (as far as I know) do everyday? And what about the inevitable...um...accidents? Are we going to need to start carrying heavy duty cleaners everywhere to take care of piles of waste? My husband has difficulty with that level of mess. I had a tough enough time housebreaking our dogs let alone trying to figure out the mysteries of the human gastrointestinal system. Of small humans that do not speak but like to scream.

However, I went to the store clutching my purse and hyperventilating as I ventured to the potty aisle. It was the same level of fear and anxiety I had when I first entered the new terrain of the the baby aisle over a year ago. I was really traumatized by the whole thing. Five different types of potty chairs?! Special wipes? Was toilet paper not ok? Then there were the potty seats that you add to the regular toilet. Why weren't there any plain ones? Did I really need one covered in animated movie princesses?

To add insult to injury, I tried to buy some big kid underpants as well. The smallest size available was 2T...which is still too big for Peanut at this point. That is part of my denial. He just looks too small to be almost two!

Bottom line is that I need to get over myself and start going with the flow. This is part of the package I signed up for as a parent. Your kids don't stay babies forever. Today potties, tomorrow driving, two weeks from now marriage. Peanut is throwing tantrums because, well, that's what toddlers do. He wants to start being a big kid and doing more stuff on his own. And I was still treating him, in some ways, like he was still a baby. He is still MY baby, but he is growing up.

I referred to one of my favorite parenting books by Tracy Hogg. (I really like most of the Baby Whisperer techniques) I read her book on toddlers a while ago, but, once again, I needed a reminder. We changed some of our routines to help Peanut be able to do more on his own. We spend more time making transitions. Like in the morning, I pulled out two shirts and let him pick the one he wanted to wear (notice he doesn't get to choose whether or not he will wear a shirt, just which one). I asked him which he wanted to put on first, his shirt or his shorts. Then we moved to a new diaper. Of course, it was easier since I let him sit on his new potty first so he was most of the way there with getting the diaper on. At dinner, he threw and tantrum and he was removed from the table until he calmed down. And he did not throw one during the meal that followed. This evening at dinner, he maneuvred his spoon to scoop food into his mouth all by himself. And he actually got most of it in there, too. Before bed, I give him things to put away to help clean up. All in all, there were way more smiles and far fewer tears. Except from me, maybe. *sigh*

Oh, and you will be proud to know (or maybe you won't, but whatever) there were two...count em, folks! TWO...successful potty moments.

I pray we remember all of this in a few months when we get to do it all over again for Pumpkin.

                                    



                                            

Ah, how quickly they grow. One day, your kids are rolling over and learning to clap their hands. The next day, they are screaming and kicking their way through tantrums at least three times a day. That's right, I've got toddlers. Hoo-ray.

I am trying very hard to be patient. No small feat with a wee person with surprising strength grabbing at everything and screaming. And when Peanut screams, it is like he auditioning to be a horror movie extra.

I was always taught to ignore tantrums and they will pass. Obviously, this advice was for kids with less stamina.  The longer my boy screams, the longer (and louder) he will continue to scream. Some of it might be related to his hard beginnings, so I want to tread very , very carefully. But I also don't want to automatically give in to his angry rants just to keep him quiet. giving. It might seem like a quick solution, but I've seen plenty of older kids and teens with parents that did the same thing with very undesirable results. It is a tricky balancing act.

The good news is that he is an all-around happy and lovable kid. Yes, he can be whiny, but people love to have him around. Sometimes, I wonder if he saves this "special" behavior just for me...fortunately, Tadd's had some of it too, so my ego is preserved.

I listened to an on-line lecture delivered by Karyn Purvis, the author of The Connected Child. I read the book while we were waiting.(http://vimeo.com/4013209) but I really needed to get a reminder. In fact, I recommend that families take notes on material you read while you wait...you might need a refresher once the theories get put into practice.

I think I've got an idea when the tantrums come.
-If we wait too long to come to the room when he wakes from sleep. Even if we just come in the room and talk to him while he stays in his crib, that is acceptable. We just can't dawdle once he is awake.

-Diaper changes. When the diaper needs changing, he doesn't like to stop whatever he is doing. Therefore, he lets us know that he is not happy about it. Which is a bummer since he is not quite ready for potty training. These are the most frustrating tantrums right now since I am focusing on not getting peed on while focusing on being calm.
 
-Bedtime taking too long. He is tired. We are coming to the end of dinner. He has decided he is over it and wants down. NOW!!!

-Anytime he is angry about something. Nuff said.

We discover new ones every day. Some I can figure out, but some I cannot. Like the other night. Everything was going hunky-dory during bathtime when all of a sudden...WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! We still aren't sure what was up with that. We just dried him off, put on his pj's and cuddled him. Which, I suppose, is all we can do sometimes.

And it isn't all a struggle I swear! Take a look at this video of my little munchkins just being supa cute!
http://www.vimeo.com/4837880

And enjoy some sweet pictures in the back yard. 

Princess Pumpkin prefers a big girl chair to the small chairs the peasants use.

        

And her brother, Prince Peanut, thought it was a good idea, too

                                            

It has been way too long, people. Did you miss us all? We missed you! April was a whirlwind of constant travel, hence the absense of blog entries. The best advice I can give about traveling with two small children? Stay home instead.

                                                                    

Today was my very first Mother's Day! WOOT WOOT! It is strange to be able to add a new holiday to your calendar. I got flowers and cards kissed by my beautiful children. We went to a brunch buffet at a nice restaurant up the street and the kids had a blast. Now that they are walking, they garner even more attention than before. Just wait till they start talking...We won't be able to go anywhere without a crowd!

We went to services this morning after our month long hiatus. (Did I mention the crazy travel?) The rector gave a lovely prayer in honor of mother's day. I wish I could remember it all, but I'll try to give the gist:

To all our mothers

To the mothers of our children

To those desperate to become mothers

And those who the journey towards motherhood seems so far away

To those mothers unable to care for their children

And those mothers unwilling

And to those mothers who welcome children in their arms and hearts

To spiritual mothers that love us

And mothers that join families in different ways

To mothers, grandmothers, birth mothers, adoptive mothers, godmothers, stepmothers...to all types of mothers

May the blessings of God find you this day as we celebrate you and what you mean to all of us!


                                                        

Wow, there are so many things to write about, but I'll just try to summarize. Easter is a very special holiday for my husband and it. It was during Lent that we suffered our first miscarriage. It was such a difficult time in our marriage and in our lives. We both turned to our faith for strength to get through and really learned about our relationship with God. I am thankful for that painful struggle, though it broke my heart, because without it, I would not have grown. I would not understand need to cling to my faith and let of ideas of how I think life should be in favor of a life that is better than I could imagine. I learned to let go and to let God. I am not a master by any stretch of the imagination, but I am getting better at it. When things disappoint...family, friends, job...I try hard to release it. I don't always succeed and I do vent a bit, but in the end, I trust it is all taken care of. And so far, it always is!

Today we had a mad-cap day at church. Hubby played trumpet (as usual) and I sang int he choir (which is new). Babies spent the morning being loved on by various parishioners int he church nursery. When they say it takes a village, that is no joke! I would not have made it to services without the help of various friends offering to pitch in...carrying babies, carrying diaper bags, changing gross diapers, helping me get into my robes. Total team effort today. And it is so hard for me to accept help! (I am learning that successful moms with happy babies know how to ask for help and take it when it is offered. I look forward to the day I can repay the favor to another new mom.)

Even with all the mayhem, I loved spending Easter with the kids. The egg hunt was so cute! I am so, so thankful to have these moments, especially after going through the dark valley of suffering. It just makes these special days with the kids all the sweeter. As the rector said during this morning's sermon, "There can be no Easter without Good Friday."  You can't fully appreciate all the blessings you have until you know times without.

Ok, enough theology. How bout some cute pictures?



So busy I couldn't get out of my choir robes for a while. But aren't my kids CUTE?!




Who needs eggs when you have a candy wrapper?



Discovering that the eggs open up...




...But not loving what is inside




Easter is so much fun!

Ugh! I've been taken down by the flu. At least I think it is the flu. Fever, chills, aching. This is day two. I've been trying to rest as much as possible, but it isn't easy. I work full-time and unemployment is ever lurking. That is why after the kids go to bed I am working leads like crazy. Just not the past two days. It is just enough for me to to send off the most crucial emails to my full time job and then go back to bed.

Believe it or not, this post is not about my flu or about work. It is actually about hair.

Tadd picked up the kids from daycare today. They told him to make sure we wash our baby girl's hair tonight because they saw dandruff. Are you kidding me? Trust me when I say we regularly wash both our children's hair. We conditioner wash every day and a shampoo wash twice a week. I apply hair moisturizer every morning before styling hair. Usually I let her curls stay loose since cornrowing takes a while and time has been limited. Sometimes we do little puffs. Simple and cute.

But lately, the ladies have taken a liking to Pumpkin's hair. They started cornrowing it during the daytime. I don't have a problem with it. I know people love her hair and practice makes perfect. I should have known when one woman spent a while asking me what I use to oil her scalp. (To all new moms of children of African or Caribbean descent: Any questions/comments about scalp oiling is a test to see if you know what you are doing.)

Here is the deal. I do not use hair grease on my daughter's hair. I feel it weighs her fine locks down to much. I also don't use Vaseline for the same reason. (Which has also been suggested to me many times) When I see scalp dryness (she had some intense flaking when she came home) I use Vitamin E oil or olive oil. Nothing too greasy or petroleum based. I use a thicker product for my own hair, because my hair is kinkier and thicker, but still not petroleum based.

Tonight (though I am still achy all over from the flu) I undid all the cornrows that were put in her hair today. I saw absolutely NO dry patches. I saw two flakes, which could have questionably been crackers. We washed and conditioned her hair as scheduled. I moisturized it with Carol's Daughter's Hair Milk. And then I cornrowed it again myself.

Were the cornrows perfect? No, not at all. Her loose curls are not as easy to wrangle into nice neat rows and I'm definitely not a professional. But I am her mommy and I take that job very seriously. No one needs to remind me to care for her, feed her, or wash her hair. That's what I signed up for.

I've talked about this in my hair seminars that sometimes women will try to make new moms feel inadequate and incapable of caring for their childrens' hair. No one group of people has a monopoly on hair care. Yes, people do have to learn. No one is born knowing how to do hair. There is no reason for people to be snide about it. It would be one thing if dryness was a pattern and someone politely asked a mom if she needs some assistance. It is another thing to make a comment in passing after a one time incident.

So to the moms new to Black haircare, do not despair and do not give up. Do not resign yourself to a life of weekly trips to the beauty salon. Do not feel the only way to make sure your child looks well groomed is to straighten her hair because you are unfamiliar with the coils. That is precisely how negative self images are created. Stick with it, ask for help when you need it, and be confident.

And just remember...those little comments you'll inevitably hear? They happen to everyone...

Haregewoin Teferra, the woman featured in the well-known book There Is No Me Without You, passed away a few days ago.  I just read about it on Melissa Fay Greene's website.

http://www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com/blog?op=view&id=63

Please consider helping the children she left behind. I was incredibly touched by her story. She suffered through terrible tragedy in her life but allowed herself to be a vehicle of love and care for orphaned children, some infected with HIV, when others turned away.  Her work, compassion, and love was an amazing testiment to what ONE person can do against an overwhelming crisis!! ONE person can make a difference in this world!

 

Have you read the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell? I read it over over Christmas holidays and I found it fascinating. Gladwell spends the book analyzing what makes people successful. What are the special characteristics that make those people especially unique? I won't spoil it all for you since it is a great read, but one thing he emphasizes is the importance of nurturing talent. It isn't just the fact that the brilliant and talented are brilliant and talented. Someone has to notice and encourage that talent, or else, sadly, the potential is never realized.

I've studied the Nature versus Nurture debate for years. In fact, I did my AP Biology project in high school on that very topic. (I choose not to share how long ago that was.) So the theories in Outliers really hit home for me. Not just for myself as I struggle to find my calling, but also for the kids. I believe part of my responsibility as a parent is to nurture and encourage my childrens' gifts. The book gave me another way to think about it. Nurturing those gifts will positively affect my children, my grandchildren, and generations of children that I will never meet. Amazing, isn't it?

So, Tadd and I have been on the lookout for emerging gifts in the kiddos. Ok, I know that what they like today might be totally different later one. But maybe not. I was a very talkative child that loved to imagine herself in movies. Though I went through a painfully shy period due to my environment, I made my way back. Who knows what would have happened if my folks caught on to my dramatic flair earlier and took me to plays or acting lessons?

Well, I think we might be seeing the beginnings of an interest...and fortunately it is something I am already familiar with...


                                                                            

Peanut loves playing drums! I thought it was a fluke at first, but nope...he digs them! I had a gig a couple of weeks ago so I pulled out my huge tumba drum. I thought it would be fun to play a little for the babies. Pumpkin kinda laughed and then played with something else. Peanut's eyes grew wide and he tried to climb the drum. Then he proceeded to clap and dance along with the music. Hmmm...

The clincher was the drum Mimi and Gramps gave Pumpkin for her birthday. She hasn't been wild about it, but it is Peanut's favorite thing. He banged with one hand for a while, no big deal. What amazed me was when he walked around, found the other stick, and proceeded to beat the drum with two sticks and alternating motions. After a while, he even started dancing and adding some shoulder moves to it, like he was doing a kicking solo. It was priceless!

                                                                            

Which leads me to the theory that the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree...even if the branches were grafted on. Poor Tadd might have another drummer to listen to!

Pumpkin is so active that everything seems to entertain her equally. (Well, except looking in the mirror. That really is her favorite.) Perhaps she just hasn't been exposed to her thing yet. Maybe she will love mathmatics. Or painting. Or sports. Perhaps she will have a future as a yoga practitioner...

                                                                                    
OOOOOHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMM....

Here's the deal...I do not like to be picked on.  And I really hate when people act as though they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, just because no one is willing to stand up to them.

And I especially will not tolerate this behavior in children.

Here's the story. Tadd and I made plans with a friend and her dad to go out to a movie. We arranged for a babysitter to put the kids to bed and bath and went. I even put on cute jeans and a fun t-shirt. We decided to go to a theater where we've had mixed experiences. Same movie theater with the freaking out baby on Valentines' Day. A place where there are usually large groups of teens loitering or fighting in the parking lot. But, we gave it another chance. (Why, oh why, do we just not follow our gut?!) We went to see Knowing. Right as the dialogue started, the speakers began crackling loudly. We couldn't hear any dialogue. We sat for 20 minutes when they tried to get it fixed, to no avail. So we left. After a quick conference, we decided to go see another movie. Slasher flick? No thanks. Action movie with great actor. Hmm, some people already saw it. We decided to suck it up and see the cutesy Confessions of A Shopaholic. Best movie? No, of course not. But we were actually OUT for goodness' sakes and we wanted to watch a movie. After all, we paid our money and arranged for a babysitter and coordinated schedules and everything.

The movie was cute and we were having a good time with it. Then, towards the end, a group of 4-5 young teen boys came bursting through the theater. They were cracking up loud and ran to the back. Ok, I get it. Theater hopping. We've all done it as teens, whatever. The trouble was, they wouldn't keep quiet. Not just an annoying whisper, either. Loud whooping. Making comments to the girls in front of them (who were enjoying the movie the whole time we were) Just being generally obnoxious. After about 20 minutes of that, some of the girls told them to be quiet. They didn't. Then Tadd turned around and said "If y'all are going to keep talking, you need to go out of the theater." To which they responded by repeating his comment in a mocking voice and laughing hysterically at their own brilliance.

Boys, you just ticked off the wrong woman.

I whipped my head to the back of the theater. "Hey!" I shouted. "You kids need to knock it off!" They responded with more laughter to which I stood up. "You think that's funny?! We are trying to watch a MOVIE HERE!! Everyone here is watching the movie but YOU!!"  I think they were starting to realize they might not have as much fun mocking people as they would have liked, so they started to swagger down the steps, sucking in their teeth. Then they made another crucial mistake of using the B-word and commenting on my kinky hair, just loud enough for me to hear it.

OH NO THEY DIDN'T!!!!

I promptly threw my purse in the seat and followed them out. There they all were standing there in the hall. "NO!" I pointed my finger at that. "Oh, HECK NO! (By the way, I gave up swearing for Lent, so my language was very clean, albeit heated) You do NOT come in theaters acting like that! I am a grown woman and I paid a lot of money to be here tonight, not to MENTION having to get a babysitter. You are NOT going to stand there and disrespect me and everyone else. No, SIR, not TODAY!!" 

I was walking full speed during this whole tirade. They started to slink away, trying to disappear. Except one. One of them sucked his teeth and started to casually walk. Then he realized, I was not going away. It scared him a little, I think. He stopped and so did I. "What?" I shouted "You made a comment to me before. Whatcha got to say now?" He started to get indignant. "I'm not bothering you." "Actually," I snapped "You are. You are being rude.  I did not come here to listen to you and to be insulted, all right?! I am a grown woman and I am NOT going to tolerate this from some misbehaving children!"

With that I marched right back to Guest Services. On the way, all the movie theater workers watched me storming through the halls with looks of fear and intrigue. I can imagine what was going through their minds, "Oh, snap! This little woman is TICKED!"

I went to the guest desk to the manager there. "Excuse me." I demanded. "There are a bunch of hoodlum kids in Theater 20, right now!" The man nodded, and immediately got on his walkie-talkie. I spun around on my heel and marched back to the theater, followed by a team of theater management in suits and uniforms. "Paid good money...first movie was broken and now I gotta put up with this...they must of lost their minds..." If those kids thought Madea was scary, I was worse...because I was live and unpredictable.

And get this...those kids were so arrogant, they went back to the theater. Are you kidding me?! Obviously, it was a group the staff has dealt with before, because management was able to round them all up and told them to leave. We all went back to watch the last few minutes of the movie.

After the film ended and the audience walked out, I apologized to the girls that were in the theater with us and thanked them for being respectful. One of them said "No, actually we thank you! They were back there being very nasty. I'm glad someone said something."

Now, here's where I probably should have been nervous. The boys were all starting right outside of the movie theater exit. It looked like they were just waiting for us to come out. I said I probably should have been nervous...but I wasn't. I just got more incensed.

Just the whole mentality that they could do and act anyway they felt like because no one would stand up to them. Because people are too afraid or too polite or too whatever. Hmmm, funny, I don't get to do whatever I'd like to whoever, whenever I'd like. And if these kids don't learn know that every action causes a reaction of some sort, they will do something even worse than insulting a frazzled angry mom. And those kids were not gang members with weapons. They were just being punk kids, thinking it was cool to act that way.

I marched right out there and spoke right up. " Why are you all standing around the exit? What? Did you think I wouldn't say anything?? You all have no business hovering around here and you all need to go on home!!"

Again, they were expecting that. I heard a few mutters. "Excuse me? Whatcha say? Seriously, I will call the police on all of you RIGHT NOW if you don't knock it off!!" I almost added in "And pull up your pants, but I restrained myself. I totally, totally turned into my mother. She wouldn't have tolerated foolishness either. And I grew up to believe that if your parents weren't around and you were acting up, another parent would step in...or worse, tell your parents and then you would REALLY be in trouble!

The theater staff had all the boys sit down on the benches in front of the building while they waited for their parents to come pick them up. They gave us free passes for our inconvenience. I'm not mad at the staff. They are trying to run a business, in a tough economy. But I probably won't be back there for a while. I have no desire to have that type of scenario every time I go out with my spouse.

I said to someone recently, "Gosh, I just pray that Peanut & Pumpkin will not grown up to act a-fool!"  My friend laughed and said, "Um, with a no nonsense mom like you that loves them? I don't think you have anything to worry about!" I hope she is right. Thankfully, right now the worst thing they do is throwing toys out of their crib.

But, just in case, if you see my children when they are teens one day acting completely out of line and being horribly rude and disrespectful, please let them know to stop. Oh, and call me on the phone and tell me what they did.