Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some questions people ask about our adoption. Yes, these are all real questions and statements we've heard.
Why adoption?
Tadd and I decided to start a family about two and a half years ago. We started out very naive thinking that the only thing between us and parenthood was our ever diligent birth control methods. After a year of nothing, we went to a doctor. Not long after that visit, we found out we finally pregnant. The joy we experienced was short lived. A few weeks after calling family and friends to announce our pregnancy, we were calling back to share that we had indeed suffered a miscarriage. We took blood test after blood test to find the answer behind our loss. The tests proved both Tadd and I to be healthy and that the miscarriage was unfortunate, but not likely to reoccur. Two months later, we had to repeat the whole experience again.
We reached the crossroads in our decision to grow our family. I had enough of expensive medical procedures that did not even promise success. We both had enough of the emotional blender our pregnancy dreams had run us through. For the same time and expense we could open our hearts to a child that needed parents to love them.
Biological connection is not the only one between families, nor the most important. Love is the thing that makes those that were once strangers into family.
Why adoption?
Tadd and I decided to start a family about two and a half years ago. We started out very naive thinking that the only thing between us and parenthood was our ever diligent birth control methods. After a year of nothing, we went to a doctor. Not long after that visit, we found out we finally pregnant. The joy we experienced was short lived. A few weeks after calling family and friends to announce our pregnancy, we were calling back to share that we had indeed suffered a miscarriage. We took blood test after blood test to find the answer behind our loss. The tests proved both Tadd and I to be healthy and that the miscarriage was unfortunate, but not likely to reoccur. Two months later, we had to repeat the whole experience again.
We reached the crossroads in our decision to grow our family. I had enough of expensive medical procedures that did not even promise success. We both had enough of the emotional blender our pregnancy dreams had run us through. For the same time and expense we could open our hearts to a child that needed parents to love them.
Biological connection is not the only one between families, nor the most important. Love is the thing that makes those that were once strangers into family.
But don't you want your own children?
Our adopted children will be our own children. So, the answer is yes.
Our adopted children will be our own children. So, the answer is yes.
Are you going to keep trying to get pregnant?
If it happens, that will be great. However, we are no longer actively "trying" to get pregnant.
By the way, if you are thinking about getting pregnant, I highly recommend the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. (http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-0089777-5559059?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1193452272&sr=8-1)
Just wait...you will get pregnant after you adopt. It happened to my relative/friend/co-worker/someone I heard about in a story.
That is very nice for the person you are talking about. Keep in mind that research shows that less than 10% of adoptive parents have biological children after pregnancy. (http://encyclopedia.adoption.com/entry/pregnancy-after-adoption/285/1.html) Besides, that makes it sound as though our kids are only a means to get to having a "real" kid and that is simply not true. Our children are a gift no matter how they get to us.
That is very nice for the person you are talking about. Keep in mind that research shows that less than 10% of adoptive parents have biological children after pregnancy. (http://encyclopedia.adoption.com/entry/pregnancy-after-adoption/285/1.html) Besides, that makes it sound as though our kids are only a means to get to having a "real" kid and that is simply not true. Our children are a gift no matter how they get to us.
Have you tried relaxing/a vacation/having more sex/etc?
We have tried just about every means to pregnancy as you can think of, short of fertility treatments. I figured if we suffered miscarriage even after a vacation to Hawaii, then the answer is not in relaxation. Infertility is a medical issue. Imagine if we could use stress for other medical conditions. "Oh, you have gout? Just relax and you'll be fine."
We have tried just about every means to pregnancy as you can think of, short of fertility treatments. I figured if we suffered miscarriage even after a vacation to Hawaii, then the answer is not in relaxation. Infertility is a medical issue. Imagine if we could use stress for other medical conditions. "Oh, you have gout? Just relax and you'll be fine."
Oh, but you and Tadd would make such beautiful babies!
That is sweet to say, but we'll still have beautiful babies. Last time I checked, there are beautiful children all over the place!
That is sweet to say, but we'll still have beautiful babies. Last time I checked, there are beautiful children all over the place!
Well, fine...so you are adopting. Where are you adopting from?
We have decided to adopt an infant from Ethiopia.
We have decided to adopt an infant from Ethiopia.
Why aren't you adopting domestically? There are so many kids here that need a home!
This is true. There are children that need homes here and all over the world. There are benefits and challenges to both domestic and international adoption. Our decision was not made lightly. We researched children available, the process, discussions with other adoptive parents. And then we STILL couldn't decide. The final decision came from our hearts.
This is true. There are children that need homes here and all over the world. There are benefits and challenges to both domestic and international adoption. Our decision was not made lightly. We researched children available, the process, discussions with other adoptive parents. And then we STILL couldn't decide. The final decision came from our hearts.
How long will it take?
The length will depend on a lot of factors including our agency and the Ethiopian government. The average time for dossier completion takes about 2-4 months.Then it takes about 4-6 months once our file gets to Ethiopia. Infants take a little longer to place. So the whole thing could take about a year.
To summarize, adoption is not a second best solution. It is one of many ways to build a family. I encourage you to educate yourself on what adoption is all about though some of the links on this site.
The length will depend on a lot of factors including our agency and the Ethiopian government. The average time for dossier completion takes about 2-4 months.Then it takes about 4-6 months once our file gets to Ethiopia. Infants take a little longer to place. So the whole thing could take about a year.
To summarize, adoption is not a second best solution. It is one of many ways to build a family. I encourage you to educate yourself on what adoption is all about though some of the links on this site.
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