Today we had our second reading for Fairy Tale Chronicles.  (http://www.thebodychronicles.org/FTC.htm  It was great to hear the plays and the re-writes. Unfortunately, my forever present, forever annoying Inner Critic spoke up. I started to hear in my head,"Why am I here? These people are serious writers! They do this a lot. What makes you really think you deserve to be here? And writing as a career? Yeah, that will be as successful as your non-existent acting career I'm sure..." And so on and so on. She's a real bitch, isn't she? I try not to listen to her too much, but some how, today she had a bullhorn. It could be that I am on the verge of doing something that I will love and she can't stand me to be happy. I hope so! I love rubbing her face in my success.


Or it could be an overflow of self-doubt from impending parenthood. I had another interesting moment of self-doubt. I read the blog of a birth (or first) mother who is very torn up about her adoption experience. (I believe in sharing different sides of a story and I will post a link to her blog, but I shared a personal story for her eyes only that I thought she could relate to. Once she reads it and can file it away, I'll post the link. Sorry, but it is a story where readers of my blog might recognize the parties involved and I didn't want to put them through that.) Her story made me feel so sad for her. It made me mad for people who will read it and get pissed off about adoption in general. It made me empathetic to the unnamed adoptive parents who just wanted to raise a child. And it made me self doubt. Since announcing our adoption plans, I have had to confront all sorts of opinions from others. Some people do not think it is right that we are adopting internationally. Some people do not think it is ok to adopt children that are of a different race. What if the child is unhealthy? Who do we think we are "selecting" our child? Don't I feel bad about all the other children that don't get to be adopted? Do I really think it is right for children to be raised by strangers instead of their biological families? Etc etc etc

I just want to be a mom. That's all. I don't want to break any mother's heart. If it wasn't for bio mothers, I would not have the chance to raise a child. If a woman wants to raise her child, she should. If that woman is unable or unwilling to do so for whatever reason, then that child should have a home where they are loved and cared for. Will I be less of a mom because I did not birth my children? Are my children's first mother now sub-standard because of situations that may be out of her control? I really don't know these answers. But I know EVERYONE has an opinion. I have be assured that people would have opinions even if I was pregnant. For some reason, people like to add their two cents to how you get married and how you have (or don't have) kids. So say a little prayer in whatever way you like, for all parties involved in adoptions all over the world. It is a process full of both love and grief.