I am tired, you guys. Seriously whipped. My new quest to finally stop worrying about what people think of me and just live the life I am supposed to is starting to work. I tell people "No" when I mean "No", I don't just sit around and bitch about who is doing what to me (though I will laugh at some crazy people antics), I try not to guess and control what people around me are doing. Yessir,on the road to a healthier me. Except all the people around me who were getting used to the fun little co-dependent dance are feeling bad. Angry, even. People are starting to realize that things are changing and I'm just not tap dancing like I used to. And they are NOT happy. I have people sending me text messages, calling my phone, giving me the silent treatment, whining at me (yes, these are GROWN people) asking me things in a simpering voice like, "What's wrong? Are you ok?"

I just want to say to these people, "Am I ok because I didn't spend two hours giving you advice on your problems while you complain how you can't lose weight and everyone is so mean to you? Um, trust me, I'm ok."

I was really bummed out last week because of our news regarding the boys. So while I was trying to accept this as part of the plan while still being true to myself, all hell broke loose. In just the span of about two days the following happened: There was a bit of a family issue that finally got reconciled, but then one family member didn't want to talk any more. So I felt bad again, that I did something wrong and everyone will hate me. Then I went to work and felt ignored by everyone, so then I felt bad that I am a poor employee and others think very little of me. Then I got a bad grade on an assignment, so I was feeling dumb for trying to get my Masters. Then I got a voicemail from someone who has been less than supportive of our adoption plans saying they know I am busy and all with trying to get the kids but would I come out to a play. So then I felt slightly guilty because my friends don't have children and they will surely all dislike me now that my life is changing...

It's tiring just reading it, isn't it? Imagine living it...

Then I reminded myself that all of this is not my problem or my responsibility. I'm not a therapist and no one is paying me to tell them what to do with their lives. People that give me a hard-time and are not supportive of my plans to be a mother aren't good friends. And yes, some people don't like me nor want to talk to me...they have every right and I have no control over what they do. As far as not being a good employee? Well, that's no secret...I have no intention of making this my career so who cares if people think I am good or not?

So, my changes must be working because there is definitely some "push back" from people. Hey, these are just tests. In the time being, I just keep doing my soul searching and moving forward. Everyone is more than welcome to join me, but just know that I'm not going to carry anyone around.

Ok, quick baby news. Our church baby shower (for Ladies Only) is this weekend. We received our first baby gifts in the mail. And we still have no referral. The wait continues.