First of all- THANK YOU to every single one of you that sent messages, comments, phone calls, and general good feelings our way!! Both DH and I appreciate all of them. As my dear frined told me over the phone, "Just know that you are very loved." As someone who spends a lot of time offering advice and support to people it is a challenge to just let people "love on me" (as Southerners like to say) but I do value it. So from the bottom of both my and Mr. T's heart, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

So how are we coping? Pretty well, I suppose. Many tears two days ago, some tears yesterday but not as much, and today I was able to work with only a few episodes of eyes welling up. I smile and go on with my day, make plans and stay busy. Get annoyed with people, crack up at jokes, tell stories, work on my final exam, cook dinner...basically I just live. Keep in mind we've been through this 3 times. In fact, we had mourned and grieved and were finally able to move to adoption plans before all of this happened. So I am at a lost what to do next, really. If you see me and I seem to be acting pretty "normal" believe me when I say that I am not trying to detach from the pain or trying to ignore what happened. I think eventually it just becomes a part of you and the trick is to be able to hold both joy and pain at the exact same time and allow yourself to feel both. It is weird sounding, but I get it.

A moment that upset me terribly was the thought of what would we do if we weren't able to adopt from Ethiopia for some reason? Then I started thinking What if this was God's way of saying that we shouldn't have children? Well, that made me boo-hoo really hard, so I think I will put that thought away for good. If God's plan for us did not include children, then I requested to have peace about it and move on. HOWEVER, since the thought of no children gives both of us ZERO peace, then I think it is safe to say it will happen...Eventually...

That all being said, I really want to pick myself up and move forward. I do best with action. The thing is, there is nothing for us to do. We are back to waiting. Waiting to get a message on what to do next. Nothing to even do health-wise as we wait to hear back regarding any next steps from the doctor (I was not planning on a pregnancy, but if there is something weird going on with my body, I would kind of like to fix it in case I feel like trying again one day!) And we already know there is nothing magical we can do to make our adoption move forward any faster than it is.

Last night we attended a concert with the Men & Boys Choir of St Thomas Church from New York. It was amazing! Mr. T used to listen to them every Sunday back up north for services. I enjoyed the etheral music and imagined my own children. I dreamed about watching them discover their own unique gifts and helping them to grow and develop. I pretended we were at a concert watching one of our own kids singing...or in a school play...or playing in the band concert...or presenting a science project on volcanoes...or hitting their first homerun...or accepting the trophy for the Math League tournament (hey, they might not be cursed with my lack of mathmatical talent!) It was nice to feel hopeful again. It was comforting. Then they sang a piece from a beautiful section from the Old Testament - The Song of Solomon 2:10-13

"My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; 
The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away."

Here's to one day at a time and being hopeful that the winter is past.