So I freaked some people out by my very introspective post. But, never fear, my friends. That's just how I am from time to time! It is all very good for the soul, I think. Besides, I can't be all wacky and crazy all the time!

So I asked for some guidance and some come cool opportunities came my way. I want 2009 to be the year to focus on becoming the woman I've always wanted to be. I try to do that everyday, but in some ways I still worry too much about what other people think and what people demand from me. Well, these wonderful children need me to take care of them which I gladly do as their mother. That leaves very little room for me to take care of the problems of others. I still believe in a giving heart, but I tend to go overboard and want to take responsibility for things that are not my responsibility.

Along those lines, I do need to take responsibility for myself. (And ask for help when I need it...something else I'm not always great at!) If I am not happy with myself in anyway, then I need to change it. My kids deserve to have a happy and energized Mommy, not the stressed out, frustrated woman I feel like! So some things had to go and some things I have to start.

My house is a wreck and it makes me frustrated when trying to care for the babies. I need to get a handle on my trademark clutter. I officially started a cleaning/organizing/decluttering program. I'm still not too sure about it, but tonight was the first time it started to look a little better. The laundry is clean and folded, the kitchen is clean, my clothes are set out, and sink is shining. (That was the hint for you folks that are familiar with the program!) I do feel better not having to face a mess first thing in the morning.

I feel like I need a stronger spiritual grounding. Both T and I are very active in our church, but I don't always feel like I am enriching myself as much as I should. I am now adding time daily for prayer and meditation.

I always wanted to sing well. I am running through vocal exercises to work on my pitch. And from now on, I will participate when my friends sing karaoke instead of just being afraid. Plus, I sing to the kids daily. (They are very kind judges!)

I really want to look better. Lose some weight, tone up, fix up my clothes that are on the ratty side. What mother doesn't want to look good and feel good? Well, I want to make sure I actually do something about it. And since I work better with a deadline, I decided to participate in another pageant! HA! I didn't think I would ever do one again since I only did it when because I was turning thirty, but I've been feeling a strong desire to do it again. And there is nothing like knowing you will be wearing a swimsuit and heels to get you motivated to work out, let me tell ya!

I want to increase both my jewelry business and my writing. It is a dream of mine to have work that I am passionate about that allows me to spend more time with my kids and less money on childcare. That means finding other streams of income in areas I care about...and fast. So, let me know if you need some jewelry...or you know any good writing gigs!

I want to surround myself with good and optimistic people. I just got cast in a show scheduled for November, dealing with womens' health. The cast is full of wonderful ladies and I am so excited to work with them. They are all about doing good work in a supportive environment. I missed working with them during the first production due to my fertility problems and it would have been way to much for me emotionally. Now, I feel it will be a good cathartic experience for me to participate and I am really psyched!

Some things need to change to make this stuff happen. I will not audition for a bunch of shows this year. I had to postpone some classes for school this semester. I don't knock myself out trying to work hours of overtime to move up the corporate ladder. And there are fewer lunches/dinners out than before. Little steps that are necessary to free up my time. We'll see if I miss these things in exchange for new paths.