Ugh! I've been taken down by the flu. At least I think it is the flu. Fever, chills, aching. This is day two. I've been trying to rest as much as possible, but it isn't easy. I work full-time and unemployment is ever lurking. That is why after the kids go to bed I am working leads like crazy. Just not the past two days. It is just enough for me to to send off the most crucial emails to my full time job and then go back to bed.

Believe it or not, this post is not about my flu or about work. It is actually about hair.

Tadd picked up the kids from daycare today. They told him to make sure we wash our baby girl's hair tonight because they saw dandruff. Are you kidding me? Trust me when I say we regularly wash both our children's hair. We conditioner wash every day and a shampoo wash twice a week. I apply hair moisturizer every morning before styling hair. Usually I let her curls stay loose since cornrowing takes a while and time has been limited. Sometimes we do little puffs. Simple and cute.

But lately, the ladies have taken a liking to Pumpkin's hair. They started cornrowing it during the daytime. I don't have a problem with it. I know people love her hair and practice makes perfect. I should have known when one woman spent a while asking me what I use to oil her scalp. (To all new moms of children of African or Caribbean descent: Any questions/comments about scalp oiling is a test to see if you know what you are doing.)

Here is the deal. I do not use hair grease on my daughter's hair. I feel it weighs her fine locks down to much. I also don't use Vaseline for the same reason. (Which has also been suggested to me many times) When I see scalp dryness (she had some intense flaking when she came home) I use Vitamin E oil or olive oil. Nothing too greasy or petroleum based. I use a thicker product for my own hair, because my hair is kinkier and thicker, but still not petroleum based.

Tonight (though I am still achy all over from the flu) I undid all the cornrows that were put in her hair today. I saw absolutely NO dry patches. I saw two flakes, which could have questionably been crackers. We washed and conditioned her hair as scheduled. I moisturized it with Carol's Daughter's Hair Milk. And then I cornrowed it again myself.

Were the cornrows perfect? No, not at all. Her loose curls are not as easy to wrangle into nice neat rows and I'm definitely not a professional. But I am her mommy and I take that job very seriously. No one needs to remind me to care for her, feed her, or wash her hair. That's what I signed up for.

I've talked about this in my hair seminars that sometimes women will try to make new moms feel inadequate and incapable of caring for their childrens' hair. No one group of people has a monopoly on hair care. Yes, people do have to learn. No one is born knowing how to do hair. There is no reason for people to be snide about it. It would be one thing if dryness was a pattern and someone politely asked a mom if she needs some assistance. It is another thing to make a comment in passing after a one time incident.

So to the moms new to Black haircare, do not despair and do not give up. Do not resign yourself to a life of weekly trips to the beauty salon. Do not feel the only way to make sure your child looks well groomed is to straighten her hair because you are unfamiliar with the coils. That is precisely how negative self images are created. Stick with it, ask for help when you need it, and be confident.

And just remember...those little comments you'll inevitably hear? They happen to everyone...